Two weeks ago I had jury duty. Now, I’m not one of those people who relish the opportunity to sit on a jury. I actually find it annoying, time consuming and boring. Yet I attended out of a required civic duty. It was interesting for the first hour or so and then it got tedious as the prosecutor and defense attorney asked the same questions over and over again to potential jurors.
As I sat there, I remembered a very different scenario in which I found myself before a judge in a court exactly at this time of year nearly 19 years ago. I had a newborn baby in the back seat who began to wail, as I had overstayed my welcome at the store. I was so frazzled to get home that I ended up going way over the speed limit. I was pulled over by a very stern looking police officer. By the time he walked up to my window I was so flustered that I burst out crying! He then proceeded to have sympathy, as he had checked my record and it showed a clean history. He then told me to go home slower, but that I had to have a ticket.
Needless to say, I was so upset. My husband said I could try to plead my case before the judge, but he didn’t think it would help. I did go to court to talk with the judge. Of course I had laryngitis that day and they could barely hear a word I said. The judge agreed not to put points on my license, but that I would still have to pay a fine.
I recall this incident, not because of the judge, the court or the lack of jury present, rather the time of year. I remember thinking how scared I was to come before the judge. He was about to decide my fate! I also remember how I was so super careful about not speeding from that point forward!
But what strikes me most, is how I remember thinking that if I am so scared of a flesh and blood judge, how much more should I fear coming before Hashem on Rosh Hashanah. In that court it was a first offense and no one got hurt BH. But what about in the court above? Have I not repeatedly made mistake after mistake? Why was I not inspired to stop the poor behavior like I was speeding?
We are human. We make mistakes and we do our best to be better the next time.
But there is one huge difference between the judge in that courtroom long ago and The Ultimate Judge on high.
You see the judge in that courtroom makes a decision based on the facts of the case that is presented. He doesn’t have access to anything except for what is presented. He is also not particularly forgiving. If you did the crime, you pay the fine or do the time, depending.
The Ultimate Judge on high not only has access to the facts, but He also knows what is in our hearts and minds. He knows what our intentions really were and he knows if we are truly sorry. But even more than that, He knows our potential and He accepts our repentance based on our potential to do better next time. Even if it is a direct affront to Himself. He is most forgiving where humans, well, just aren’t.
Hashem believes in us. Hashem gives us another chance to do better. Therefore Hashem forgives.
Earlier in the week, my husband came to me and asked me what my goals are for this year. Now, you all know I am a very goal oriented person, so it wasn’t a strange question to ask me. However, it did throw me a little.
This summer has been sucked away with wedding plans. Baruch Hashem, it was a beautiful Simcha and we wish the new couple an even more beautiful, long, healthy and successful life together!
The wedding became my summer goal. But all of the sudden, I realize that Elul is coming to a close and Tishrei is upon us!
What are my goals for this year??
Well, some of my goals are very much dependent on outside factors completely out of my control, so I agree that they cannot be My goals, rather they are my aspirations, hopes and dreams.
So what are my goals?
I have different types of goals. Personal ones, career ones, spiritual ones and relationship ones.
One of my career goals, as many of you know, is to publish my book on women leadership in Tanach. I am up to writing the manuscript for my book and I already completed the first draft of the introduction and conclusion and I have my outline.
The problem is that I had the goal to write the middle for this summer, which clearly got sidelined with the wedding. So what’s the problem you ask? Well, that is the point exactly. I kind of find myself stuck. It is really hard to start up a project that you sort of froze for three months, and then just get back into it. Kind of like my elliptical back in March!
Anytime we disrupt routine, it is that much harder to resume activities after a hiatus. And the longer the break, the harder to restart. This is true with any goal, whether a work or home improvement goal, a spiritual or self development goal, a parenting, relationship or health goal. And clearly it is true with my book writing goal.
I took a self development coaching class recently and they spoke about this idea. Any time we set a new goal for ourselves, there is a Curve of Engagement.
At the start of the curve, we think we have the best idea ever! And at the other end of the curve we reach the point where we say this was the best thing I ever did! But there is one tricky part. As we move along from the start of the curve we start to dip down the curve and think, wow, this is more than we bargained for. Then we think, wow this is a lot of work!
And then the doubts creep in. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. Then our confidence starts to crack and we sink into what is called the Pit of Despair.
And that is where I think I landed. The Pit of Despair.
Afterall, who am I to write about leadership or women in Tanach. This is way more than I bargained for and a lot of work and it is hard! And really, maybe it is not as important as I originally thought it was. Pit of Despair….
But wait! There is good news! I learned that there is a bridge across and out of the Pit of Despair! This bridge is made of two things:
The first is Belief.
You see, when you believe in something passionately, you are willing to not only work at it, you are willing to give 120% to ensure its success. Belief in yourself, your project and your cause is crucial, and having family, friends and community support you and back you up bolsters your strength to make it to the finish line. They won’t let you get down when things get tough. They are your cheerleaders and accountability partners.
The second component to the bridge out of the Pit of Despair is Persistence.
In order to complete any goal, you need to keep going in the face of setbacks and upsets. You need to push ahead until you see the finish line, even when it is challenging and down right difficult. And a good sense of humor allows you to see the brighter side of things when the situation may feel very tough.
With Belief and Support, Persistence and Humor, you can make it out and across the Pit of Despair and start climbing your way back up the curve of engagement until you pick of momentum and excitement once again that carries you to the pinnacle where you have accomplished something truly spectacular, and perhaps one of the best things you ever do in your life.
And so, I am starting to feel re-energized, and as I said to my mother last night, I am back in the game!
Bringing this back to where we started in that jury room. We have the potential for a whole fresh new year ahead of us. In order to gain that opportunity we have to pass before Hashem for our judgment, offer our repentance and pledges to do better in the coming year. Thankfully for us, we have Hashem as our Judge and He is most forgiving.
And not only is He forgiving, He also believes in us. We are here for a purpose. No one can do what we can do. Hashem gives each one of us unique talents and capabilities to accomplish specific tasks in this world. Hashem gives us the strength to persevere and succeed. And when we may hit that proverbial Pit of Despair every now and then, please know that Hashem has created a bridge to cross over and out of the pit. Seek and you shall find.
Whatever goals we may have this year, may Hashem bless each and every one of us with the strength and perseverance to accomplish them successfully. And may Hashem grant each of us forgiveness and good health and the gift of a new year to reach even greater heights.
Gmar Chasima Tova.